If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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