He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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