i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
