I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
