Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
