I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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