He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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