I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
