I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
