Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
