the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize