Capitaan dildo arrescate!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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