my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
