Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
