The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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