We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
its liver damage thursday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
