whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
