Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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