You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
