i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
