I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
