Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
