Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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