i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
