You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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