tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
