so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
