she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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