did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
