we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
