sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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