I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
