i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize