apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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