I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
