im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
