the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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