I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
