Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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