i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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