i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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