I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
