Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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