i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize