I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
