BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
