I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
