What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
