im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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