I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
