his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
