a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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