I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
