we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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