I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
