I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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