She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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