I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
