tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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