there was a trapeze. enough said
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
