mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
