Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
