Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
