i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
