Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
