I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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