What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize