is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
