I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
