***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
