Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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