still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize