Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
