PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
