thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I checked into jail on foursquare
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
