Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
