If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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