I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
