Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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