if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
