We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
