I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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