Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
