I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The beer is more important than you right now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
