You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
