did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
