Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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