ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im holly from the hills drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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