cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
